They never really cared about you

They Never Really Cared About You—Here’s How to Know Who’s Real

One of the hardest truths to accept is this: They never actually cared about you.

They cared about how you made them feel.

They liked what you provided to the relationship.

They liked the energy you gave.

They liked the validation, attention, or advice.

But they didn’t truly care about you.

And that’s the difference between real relationships and relationships built on convenience.

So how do you know the difference? How do you stop wasting time on people who don’t genuinely value you?

Let’s break it down.

Are Your Feelings Mutual—Or Are You Just Giving?

For a relationship to be healthy, both people need to:

1. Care about each other.

2. Care about themselves.

If only one person is doing the caring, it creates an imbalance.

It means:

• You’re giving more than you’re receiving.

• You’re trying to prove your worth to them.

• You’re waiting for them to change and give back to you.

But here’s the truth:

They never had any intention of giving you more.

And everyone around you can probably see it.

But your friends won’t always tell you—because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.

And honestly, you probably wouldn’t listen anyway.

So the only way to know if someone actually cares about you… is to pay attention to how they make you feel.

Do You Feel Confused Around Them?

This is the biggest red flag.

• One moment, you feel super close to them.

• The next moment, they’re acting distant and uninterested.

• They say all the right things, but their actions don’t match their words.

They keep you hooked by giving you just enough attention to keep you from walking away—but not enough to actually feel secure.

This is what manipulative people do.

They:

• Disappear for hours, days, or weeks with no explanation.

• Make every conversation about themselves.

• Ignore your feelings or downplay their actions.

And when you finally confront them?

They act shocked and confused.

They’ll say:

• “Oh, I had no idea you felt that way.”

• “That wasn’t my intention.”

• “You’re overthinking it.”

They make excuses instead of taking accountability.

And that’s how you know: They were never invested in the relationship to begin with.

Are They Only Around When They Need Something?

Some people only reach out when they need something from you.

• They want advice.

• They want validation.

• They want help with their own problems.

They come back into your life at the most convenient moments for them.

Maybe they ignored you for months, but suddenly, they’re acting friendly again—because they saw something in your life that they could benefit from.

I can’t tell you how many times people have randomly reached out to me after seeing my content—

not because they genuinely wanted to reconnect, but because they wanted free advice.

And in the past, I would give people the benefit of the doubt.

I’d tell myself:

• “Maybe they really did just think of me and want to reach out.”

• “Maybe they actually want to be friends.”

But every time, it would end the same way.

They would take what they needed…

And then disappear again.

Stop Giving People the Benefit of the Doubt—Trust Your Intuition

If you feel uneasy about someone, there’s a reason.

Your intuition picks up on things before your mind does.

But a lot of us ignore our intuition because:

• We don’t want to seem “mean.”

• We don’t want to assume the worst in people.

• We feel bad for them.

And this is why so many people struggle with setting boundaries.

How to Start Setting Stronger Boundaries

If you’re tired of being used, drained, or confused by people in your life, it’s time to set boundaries.

Here’s how to start:

1. Know Your Boundaries

• What behaviors will you no longer tolerate?

• What do you need from your relationships?

• How do you want to feel in your friendships and partnerships?

Get crystal clear on what you expect, so when people cross the line, you recognize it immediately.

2. Trust Your Feelings

If someone makes you feel drained, confused, or unappreciated— pay attention.

Relationships should feel mutually uplifting.

If you feel worse after spending time with someone, that’s your sign to step back.

3. Speak Up & Enforce Boundaries

It’s not enough to know your boundaries. You have to actually enforce them.

That means:

• Saying no when something doesn’t feel right.

• Walking away from people who don’t respect you.

• Speaking up instead of staying silent.

And if this feels scary? Start small.

Practice using your voice in low-stakes situations.

• Compliment a stranger.

• Speak up in a casual conversation.

• Say no to something small.

The more you practice using your voice, the easier it becomes to enforce real boundaries in relationships.

The Secret to Healthy Relationships

The key to a happy relationship isn’t “fixing” the wrong person.

It’s choosing the right people from the start.

You don’t need to force someone to love, respect, or commit to you.

Because when someone truly values you:

• You won’t feel confused.

• You won’t feel like you have to beg for attention.

• You won’t have to constantly explain why you deserve to be treated well.

They will naturally want the same things you want.

You don’t have to force it.

You just have to align yourself with the people who already value, respect, and appreciate you.

You Deserve Better—So Stop Settling

If you’re in a relationship or friendship that:

• Makes you question your worth

• Leaves you feeling drained

• Forces you to overgive without receiving

It’s time to let go.

You don’t have to prove your value to someone who doesn’t see it.

You don’t have to convince someone to care about you.

You are already worthy.

And the right people? They’ll see that immediately.

If you’re ready to start attracting better relationships, setting boundaries, and stepping into your most confident self, check out my courses, coaching, and products at https://modelpatty.com

I love you, and I’ll see you in the next one. 💖

- Patty StayWell