How to Talk to Men | Part 7

Soft power, high standards, and letting him feel your absence

If you’ve ever felt like you had to try harder to keep a man interested…

Or felt drained after trying to get him to take you seriously…

This is your sign to stop doing so much.

Today you’ll be learning how to shift your energy and communication so he naturally respects you, desires you, and knows your worth without you having to prove a thing.

1. Use silence to command respect

Not every moment needs a reaction.

Instead of over-explaining, defending yourself, or getting loud… practice the art of the pause. 

Silence makes people reflect. It creates space for respect. It gives him a chance to actually feel what just happened.

Example:

He says something that crosses a boundary, like a flirty comment about another woman or something that hurts your feelings in some way. Instead of snapping back, questioning him, or letting his words make you feel bad, just pause. Look at him. Say nothing. Let it land.

Let the moment get awkward. Don’t laugh it off or try to ease the tension.

Watch how fast his energy shifts.

Another example:

If he’s blowing up your phone after ghosting for a week, don’t immediately respond. Take your time. You’re not punishing him, you’re just not rewarding inconsistency.

If he’s not texting you back or he’s being inconsistent with plans, put him on probation. 

Don’t double text, don’t send him paragraphs about how he needs to change himself and respect you more. 

Don’t start spiraling into self doubt and questioning your worth.

Let the silence speak for you.

If he values you, he’ll notice the boundary and he will step up. If he doesn’t care that you aren’t in his life, he never liked you and he won’t suddenly respect you more because you pester him enough.

2. Let your worth decide what you accept

When you know who you are, you stop entertaining things that don’t match that.

You don’t need to explain it or force it. You just live it.

You’re not here to convince someone to choose you.

You’re here to choose who’s worthy of your energy.

You don’t aversive to someone because you like them. You don’t bend the rules for someone because you have a crush.

Your self worth speaks for itself. You don’t raise and lower standards based on how much you like someone, you do it based on how much you trust them and how much they’ve already proven to you that they are to be trusted and they deserve more of your energy.

Hold back until you know they deserve all of you. People don’t value you if you give too much too fast without properly vetting. Especially men. If he sees you’re acting like his wifey already and he doesn’t feel like he’s done enough to earn it, he will automatically project low value onto you.

Example:

If he says, “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” Believe him. Don’t stay and hope he’ll change his mind when you prove to him how amazing you are. Allow your self worth to decide for you.

A woman who knows her worth doesn’t try to change a man’s mind. She accepts people for who they are and only aligns with the people that are on her level.

Another example:

He plans last-minute dates or constantly reschedules?

You politely decline and say, “Sounds so fun, but it’s too last minute for me.”

You don’t bend your schedule for last minute crumbs.

You teach him how to treat you by what you allow.

If he actually wants to see you, he’ll immediately suggest a future time and date to see you.

If he tries to say anything like “why not? just come. what else are you doing? I can’t make plans in advanced, im really busy, this is the only time I have…” blah blah blah… he’s just not that into you or he’s just not in a position where he can be in a serious relationship. Which doesn’t make him a bad person, he’s just not aligned for you.

You don’t have to be available 24/7. If he texts and you’re doing something for you (like journaling, cooking, or resting), don’t drop everything for him just because you don’t have “real plans.”

Let him come toward your energy, don’t always rush toward his.

3. Let him miss you, not drain you

You’re not supposed to be his therapist, his mom, and his personal motivator. If you start to feel like your whole life revolves around him and his validation and his opinions, it’s a sign you’ve abandoned yourself and you need to recharge.

Space is healthy. And mystery is magnetic. Let him wonder what you’re up to. Let him earn access to your time and presence.

Take some time to focus on yourself. Being “boy crazy” and obsessing over a man is NOT healthy. Relationships are supposed to be healthy, peaceful, stable, and balanced. 

Don’t bend your life to fit his! So many women do this and then become resentful and create more problems in their relationships and then the man becomes confused and maybe feel unappreciated and then he cheats or leave you for someone else and then you become more angry and start to jump on the “all men are trash” narrative.

A woman that takes care of herself and allows men to cherish her with a healthy level of detachment, will always be the happiest and most loved woman in every room. Not because she gets more validation, but because she’s glowing from the inside out. Because she never gets drained by others.

Example:

You were just getting into a great mood journaling, doing your skincare, and sipping tea—and he texts you, “What’s up?”

Instead of dropping everything to reply, you stay in your energy.

You finish your moment. You reply later, if and when you feel called to, not because you’re playing games, but because you’re honoring your peace.

Sometimes it’s okay to be excited and want to continue the conversation immediately, but don’t make this a habit. Do it from a place of excitement, not thinking that his time is more valuable than yours. And thinking that if you respond faster you get to talk to him more. Don’t be desperate.

Another example:

You had a long day. He had a long day. You’re both tired. He wants to watch TV, but you want to sit in silence and rest.

Instead of forcing yourself to do the activity he wants to do and neglecting your own needs, let him do what he wants and communicate that you need to do something else. 

You’re not rejecting him, you’re just choosing not to abandon yourself.

✨ I’d love to know, which one of these three shifts stand out to you the most?

If you want daily reminders of your worth, grab my Positive Affirmations Card Deck—available now at shopaffirmations.com.

You can also join my coaching and programs at modelpatty.com for more healing, more confidence, and deeper love.

You don’t have to do more.

You just need to be more you.

With love,

Patty 💋